Frustation Turned Faithful

Happy TribeLife Tuesday. 

Here I sit, a stark white screen facing me, begging to be stained with rich bold letters. 

I hesitate, then proceed. 

Hesitate, then proceed. 

I’ve written these words a thousand times already across the landscape of my mind, but to put them out there for all to see, well that is where the hesitation incubates. Several hours ago, and 2 cups of coffee in, the start of the blog went something like this:

Frustration, the “f" word that keeps haunting me…

Uninspired and annoyed that I had nothing to give, I went on the hunt for inspiration. Coming up short left and right, I finally gave up and opted on reading my Bible and jotting down my frustration in a safe place: my journal. 

After venting to the pages that have faithfully held my thoughts for years and decades, I began to thumb through previous vent sessions captured in a wide variety of ink and colors. What I found was magnificent. Pain, triumph, frustration, anguish, and joy—but the greatest of it all was the faithfulness I saw as I read each word. 

Page after page, my layers of present frustration began to shed. Seeing where I was 9 months ago and where I am today is a sheer wonder! These words, these pages, illicit only one response: gratitude.

One entry that stood head and shoulders above the rest was a day hidden back in January of 2018. I had littered my prayer to God about giving Joe and me the character to manage and steward our businesses and our finances well. I asked that God would show us if there were any cracks or fragments in our marriage foundation. 

Standing here today, on the other side of what was one of the most tumultuous seasons of our marriage, all of my questions began to piece together and make sense in my mind.  

I asked for this. 

During the battle, I was wondering what the heck was going on and why we were going through such difficulty… and the revelation was right here. Written on these pages. 

Honestly, I'm glad I penned those words and prayed those prayers because God responded. He showed us cracks and fragments that honestly couldn’t bear any more weight without severe damage occurring. To say I’m grateful is an understatement.

The list goes on and on of prayers prayed, requests made, and pain vocalized—that now looking back, I can so very clearly see how He answered me. Some of those prayers remain very much unanswered but the overwhelming joy that closes in on me in remembrance is priceless. 

So the “f" word that I choose to focus on today is not frustration, but faithfulness. The story written beneath the pages in my journal is one of faithfulness and the need for remembrance. It has shown me life more clearly… it has shown truth and growth. 

I would emphatically encourage you to get a notebook, a journal, or another sacred place for writing and begin to take the pain, worry, triumph, frustration, anguish, or joy—and put it on paper. Let those feelings not be fruitless. Put them where the weight of the burden can be shared and eventually lifted. 

Thank you for reading. 

See you next Tuesday.